


One Last Time

by thechongz



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, M/M, Tragedy, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:54:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9460070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechongz/pseuds/thechongz
Summary: Riku chooses Tenn.Tenn doesn't.





	1. Chapter 1

It was IDOLiSH7’s second anniversary concert.

The group had been rehearsing their set since 7am, barely taking a break to grab some food, before continuing with their rigorous rehearsals. After all, it was their second anniversary! They had gathered quite an impressive fanbase by now, and concert tickets sold out within the hour. Regrettably, they could only hold the concert for one day, instead of the two that they had been gunning for. It wasn’t that the president didn’t support them; the venue didn’t have a slot for them.

The boys were determined to impress their fans, and to perform their best for those who had been supporting them all this time. It still hadn’t really sunk in that it had already been two years since their debut. All the ups and downs they had gone through had only served to strengthen their bonds with each other, and before they knew it, two years had gone by. After their win at Black or White, the number of fans they had had grown exponentially, and still was growing by the day. Not only that, they also grew closer to their rival group, TRIGGER, as well as to Re:vale.

At midnight, Tsumugi had surprised the group with a cake specially baked for them. “Happy second anniversary!” she had announced when Iori opened the door, slightly bewildered as to why somebody was visiting their dorm in the dead of night. After realising that it was just their manager, the younger Izumi went to gather the others in the living room.

“Ehhh, Iorin, why did you wake me up? I was dreaming about pudding...” Tamaki had whined, rubbing his eyes tiredly while sitting down on the couch. Iori gave Tamaki a slightly exasperated look, and continued to get everybody out of their rooms. It took a while, but soon they were all settled down, and Tsumugi lit the two candles on the cake.

“So tomorrow’s the concert and I know we won’t have much time to celebrate because we’ll all be busy preparing, and after the concert I want all of you to have a good rest. Let’s make our respective wishes, be it for ourselves or for the group, and blow the candles out together!”

_I hope Nanase-san will be healthy this year as well, and for Nii-san to have more confidence in himself._

_Hmm... maybe this will be an IDOLiSH7 year as well?_

_I want to meet Zero._

_…I will eat more pudding this year._

_Maybe Tamaki-kun will eat less pudding._

_I want to watch more Magical★Kokona!_

_I wish that Tenn-nii will achieve his dreams._

_May IDOLiSH7 stay together forever._   

 

An hour before the concert began, the group had finished rehearsals and were now touching up their makeup, as well as taking a well-deserved break before the actual concert began. Riku was fiddling around with his phone, frowning and pouting at it for a few moments before letting out a long sigh.

“What is it, Riku?” Yamato asked, raising a brow at the fidgety redhead.

Riku glanced up, and sighed again, shaking his head in reply. “Don’t worry about it, Yamato-san.”

“Is this about Kujo-san?” Iori guessed. His suspicions were confirmed when Riku sighed once more. “Nanase-san, he’s probably busy as well. Why don’t you stop staring at your phone and focus on getting ready?”

“But...”

“Rikkun, you should eat some snacks.”

“Tamaki-kun, our concert is starting soon,” Sougo chided.

“Um, Riku-san, I was chatting with Gaku-san earlier and he said that they’re in the middle of a recording,” Tsumugi cut in. “I did give them VIP tickets to our concert, so I’m sure they’ll try their best to make it here once they’re done.”

Giving his phone one last, long look, in the hopes that its screen would light up with a reply from Tenn, Riku nodded and ran through the concert flow once more. _Tenn-nii told me he would come. I know he won’t lie to me._

The next hour passed by quickly, and the seven idols changed into their first costume before making their appearance on stage. The fans’ screams were deafening, especially when the spotlights shone on each member, one by one, before finally shining on Riku. Then the opening of Restart Pointer began playing, and they focused all their energy on giving their best performance yet.

From the backstage, Tsumugi watched the performance with a fond smile. It really had been a great two years with IDOLiSH7, and she was sure that the years to come would be amazing as well. After all, it was hard for life to be dull when you were the manager of seven idols, each with their own special traits.

While paying attention to the performance, Tsumugi was also keeping in contact with Gaku. She knew how much Riku wanted his Tenn-nii to be there to watch him. Tenn had seen their performances on TV before, and had obviously watched from backstage, but as part of the audience? This would be a first. Riku had come so far from when he was just a trainee, working so hard just to catch up with Tenn, and to stand on equal footing with him. Tenn being part of the audience would really boost Riku’s morale, and honestly it would probably motivate everyone else too. After all, TRIGGER was their rival group, and although the two groups were pretty close, there was still friendly competition between them. If TRIGGER was in the audience, the IDOLiSH7 members would definitely work even harder, perform even better, so as to leave an impression on TRIGGER.

The phone in Tsumugi’s hand buzzed, and a smile made its way onto her face when she read the latest message from Gaku. The concert had just begun, and hopefully the trio wouldn’t take too long to arrive.

‘We just ended recording. We’re on the way.’

  

“Oi, Tenn, hurry up or we’ll miss the concert,” Gaku called out. The three of them had just finished recording for a radio show, and had actually ended ahead of schedule. Still, IDOLiSH7’s second anniversary concert had already begun, according to Tsumugi, so Tenn really shouldn’t be dillydallying. _As if we don’t all know that he wants to watch Nanase perform._

Tenn gave Gaku a pointed look. “Can’t you see that I’m still changing?”

Rolling his eyes, Gaku replied, “Yes, but will it kill you to be a little bit quicker? Their manager just informed me that they’re performing the first song.”

“Now, now, don’t argue. We don’t want to be in a sour mood while watching their performance,” Ryuu said, looking between his bandmates. Really, he was used to this by now, but sometimes he wished the two weren’t always at loggerheads with each other. It would make life that much easier.

“...tch. Okay, I’m done. Let’s go.”

“Ah, Anesagi-san, will you be driving us to IDOLiSH7’s concert?” Ryuu asked. Anesagi put her finger to her lips, still in the middle of a call, and Ryuu nodded. From what he could hear, it sounded like Anesagi was talking to their president. And it seemed like the president wanted Anesagi to run some errands asap. Gaku and Tenn were already gathering their things, ready to leave.

After a couple of minutes, Anesagi ended the call with an exasperated sigh. “President wants me to go to the office to settle some issues regarding your appearance on the talk show next week. Ryuu, can you drive to the concert?”

“Alright. We’ll drop you a message when we get there.”

Ryuu took the car keys from Anesagi, and the trio left the recording studio. Gaku was furiously tapping away on his phone, whilst Tenn seemed to be deep in thought. Ryuu was used to this, too, so he just walked in silence and got into the driver’s seat. Once he ensured that all of them had buckled up, because “You never know when an accident might occur”, he began the drive to the concert venue. It wasn’t too long a journey – twenty minutes at most, if there wasn’t any traffic.

Unfortunately for them, though, there was a little bit of a jam, and with each second that they were stuck in the same spot, Tenn grew increasingly impatient. “Ryuu, is there no other route to the venue with less traffic?”

“I think there might be, but if I remember correctly, the lighting isn’t very good so I tend to avoid driving there,” Ryuu replied.

Tenn huffed, frowning as minutes went by and the car barely moved ten meters. Gaku, too, was obviously getting fed up with the traffic, constantly updating Tsumugi on the current situation and relaying her messages to the other two. “They just finished their first stage game. I think we’ve already missed a third of the concert.”

“Let’s just take the other route. We’ll never make it if we wait for this traffic to clear,” Tenn decided, with finality. Ryuu looked at Tenn through the mirror, pondering for a moment before giving in. He turned at the next exit, and continued to the venue through the other route. Granted, it was definitely less jammed, so Ryuu decided to speed up slightly to get to the venue faster.

“Huh. Nanase just finished his solo performance. Apparently he’s upset that you weren’t there for it,” Gaku read off his screen, making sure to look at Tenn. “Maybe if somebody had been faster...”

“Are you trying to pick a fight with me?”

“Guys...” Ryuu said, turning to give both of them a tired look. “We’re going to support them, so I think it’d be nice if we were all in a good mood.”

Snorting, Tenn crossed his arms. “Your leader started it.”

“Oi, I was just stating facts.”

Ryuu, who had been constantly looking back and forth between the road and the other two, sighed and shook his head while looking back at the two. “Really, I don’t think they would like it if we watched their concert in a bad mood.”

Suddenly, Gaku’s eyes widened. “Ryuu, that truck in front-!”

And by the time Ryuu turned his focus back onto the road, he was met with a blinding flash of the truck’s headlights. They were on the highway; it should have been a one-way road. Perhaps the driver was drunk, but who really knew? All Ryuu knew was that it was all he could do to swerve haphazardly, trying to avoid the oncoming collision.

The last thing they heard was Tenn’s scream. 

 

Riku stepped off the stage, trying to catch his breath after ending his solo. Throughout the entire performance, his eyes had been scanning the crowd, looking for a familiar head of white hair, for a familiar face, but he hadn’t been able to spot Tenn anywhere. He’d managed to keep the smile on while he was on stage, but the moment he went backstage, the smile disappeared. His chest felt heavy; he had practiced really hard to impress Tenn, to show him how much he had grown from when he first debuted.

“Good job, Nanase-san,” Iori said, handing him a towel and a bottle of water.

Riku took it gratefully, wiping his sweat off and taking a big gulp. “Manager, are they still on the way?” Riku asked, unable to mask his disappointment. He looked at Tsumugi expectantly, waiting for her reply. 

Eventually, she sighed and nodded. “They were caught in a jam, but they’re taking a different route now so hopefully they’ll get here soon.”

“Cheer up, Riku!” Mitsuki said with a bright smile, waiting for his turn to perform. Tamaki was currently on stage, belting out dance moves that Mitsuki could only hope to master.

Riku gave the older Izumi a small smile, trying to be positive. “Thank you, Mitsuki. I just hope they make it here before the end of the concert...”

Tsumugi smiled apologetically. She had been asking Gaku how long it’d take them to get here, and when he told her that they had been caught in a jam, she was pretty upset. The seven members had really been working so hard for this anniversary concert, and she wanted TRIGGER to watch them perform live. So when Gaku said that they decided to take a different route, she felt her mood lift slightly. “Riku-san, you should change into your next outfit quickly. They might be here by the time you go up on stage again,” she ushered, trying to take his mind off the fact that Tenn was still not here yet.

Riku sighed, nodding and heading towards the dressing rooms. _Manager is right. They should be here soon, and I need to give it my all so that I don’t disappoint Tenn-nii!_   

 

Gaku groaned, feeling his head pound as he opened his eyes. “What just happened?”

It took a few moments for him to adjust, still feeling extremely disoriented, and when he finally came to his senses, Gaku bolted upright. Or at least what he thought was upright, because the car was lying on its right side, where he and Ryuu were seated at. The window was shattered, shards of glass cutting into his upper arm, and he struggled to lift himself off the pool of glass. “Oi, Ryuu, Tenn, are you guys alright?” he asked while fumbling around for his phone to call for an ambulance.

All he remembered was that he had been arguing with Tenn, and Ryuu had tried to mediate as usual. Then he saw bright headlights coming towards them, and the car swerved… and they crashed. Eyes widening, Gaku quickly tried to assess the condition that the other two were in.

Ryuu was still unconscious, but he seemed fine for the most part, save a few cuts and bruises. The glass on the driver’s side, too, had shattered, and was slicing into his skin.

And then Gaku’s gaze landed on Tenn, and the blood drained from his face.

“Oh god no.”  

 

_Gaku-san still hasn’t replied._

At this point, Tsumugi was pacing worriedly. With only a handful of performances left, she didn’t know if TRIGGER was even going to arrive by the end of the whole concert. Also, Gaku had been replying to her texts within minutes. It had been a solid half hour since her last text, and he had yet to reply. She tried calling him, too, but the calls wouldn’t go through.

It was plain as day that Riku was upset. Tamaki had tried offering him pudding. Yamato suggested going out for a feast after the concert. Nagi asked if he wanted to watch anime together at night. Sougo tried to distract with videos of TRIGGER’s performances. Mitsuki was attempting to lighten the mood with jokes. Iori offered to go shopping for books with him in their free time. Nothing succeeded in lifting his spirits.

That’s why, when her phone screen lit up with ‘Yaotome Gaku-san’, Tsumugi immediately answered the call, feeling relieved that they might have finally arrived. “Yes, Gaku-san, are you here yet?”

“No, we were in an accident,” Gaku replied. Tsumugi’s breath caught in her throat. _What?_

“Ryuu seems to be alright, but Tenn was sitting on the side that the truck collided into.” He took a deep, shaky breath, as if to compose himself. “There’s a lot of blood. I think something might have jabbed into him. The seatbelt’s stuck... and I can’t get him out. I already called for an ambulance; they should be getting here soon. I’ll update you again when they get here. Nanase... I’m not sure if you want to tell him now, but the situation isn’t looking good for Tenn.” Gaku sounded helpless, broken, so different from his usual cold exterior. This was Tenn they were talking about, TRIGGER’s centre, and although Gaku and Tenn always argued, they had each other’s interests at heart. Seeing Tenn covered in blood and unconscious, and not being able to do anything... Gaku had never felt more useless in his entire life.

Halfway through his explanation, tears had already begun to gather in Tsumugi’s eyes. The group was up on stage performing right now, which was probably a good thing because if they saw her crying, they would definitely know that something was amiss. “I think I should tell Riku-san,” she managed to reply, despite the thickness in her throat. She knew that Riku would throw everything away for Tenn, and especially now that he was in a life-or-death situation, didn’t he have a right to know? This was his brother, the one that Riku looked up to so much.

While she was lost in her thoughts, Tsumugi didn’t realise that the ambulance had already arrived. She could distantly hear the sirens wailing, and Gaku saying that he should hang up, that he’d call her back. By the time she got back to her senses, he had already ended the call, and Nagi was walking over to her with a concerned look on his face.

“Manager, what happened?”

At this point, the others were also making their way backstage, and were heading towards the two of them. Tsumugi wiped at her eyes, trying to keep a level voice when she announced, “TRIGGER got into a car accident.”

All hell broke loose.  

 

Riku started breathing heavily, on the verge of an attack, and Iori rushed off to find his medicine. Tamaki and Sougo were in a similar state of shock, while Mitsuki looked at her incredulously. Nagi, too, couldn’t find the words to say. The first one to recover was Yamato, and he immediately asked, “How are they?”

So she repeated what Gaku had told her, and Riku only continued to hyperventilate more as she went on. Iori had returned with Riku’s medication, and forced him to take it before asking any questions. The concert was clearly still ongoing, and this transition period was supposed to be for them to change costumes, but there were more pressing matters at hand. At the end of the explanation, Tsumugi asked, “Riku-san, I know the concert hasn’t ended, but Kujo-san is in a very dangerous situation. I need to know what you want to do now.”

“Of course I want to go to Tenn-nii!” he shouted, once he caught his breath. “I need to be by his side, especially now that his life is in danger!”

“But the concert, Riku-kun,” Sougo pointed out hesitantly.

Riku shook his head, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “But what if I never see him again!?”

Everyone looked just as conflicted as Sougo and Tsumugi. They all knew what Tenn meant to Riku. He was more than just someone that Riku admired – Tenn was the entire reason why Riku was an idol, why he had worked so hard all this time, and why they were able to form IDOLiSH7 with Riku as their centre. And Tenn was _his brother._ But at the same time, their fans were waiting for them. If their centre disappeared in the middle of the concert, what would happen?

Eventually, though, Iori spoke up. “I think you should go, Nanase-san. If nii-san was in a critical situation, and I didn’t know if he’d make it, I would go to him no matter the cost. I’m sure the fans will understand,” he said. Mitsuki nodded in agreement, clearly sharing his brother’s sentiments.

Slowly, all the others nodded as well. “Nobody will blame you,” Yamato finally said. “Manager, please ask Yaotome which hospital they are at and go with Riku. We will deal with the fans.”

Riku sniffled, nodding quickly and looking at Tsumugi. “Manager, quick, let’s get on a cab while you call Yaotome-san.” He was already going to the dressing room, grabbing his valuables and getting ready to leave immediately.

Looking at Yamato, Tsumugi let out a long sigh. “Yamato-san... please take care of the group while I’m gone,” she said eventually.

Yamato nodded, already getting the others to change into their next outfit. “No problem, Manager. Take care of Riku, and update us on what’s going on. We’ll head over as soon as the concert ends.”

“Manager, let’s go! Hurry!”

  

It took nearly an hour for the duo to arrive at the hospital where TRIGGER was at, and Riku ran ahead of Tsumugi, heading directly for the A&E. He was familiar with hospitals, so familiar, and he absolutely hated the smell that all hospitals had. But right now, he wasn’t thinking about any of that. The one single thought running through his mind was _Tenn-nii, please be okay._

All his life, Riku had been chasing after Tenn, feeling like he would never catch up with his elder twin. He was always in and out of hospitals, so he didn’t really have any close friends in school. The only person he was close to was his Tenn-nii. And then when Tenn left their household, willingly going off with Kujo-san… Riku had never been more devastated. Tenn did eventually tell him the truth though, that he’d gone with Kujo because their parents had been in debt and couldn’t afford to bring him to the hospital. So many years wondering what he did wrong, why Tenn left, and it turned out that Tenn just wanted to make sure that Riku could get the medical care he required.

“Yaotome-san! Tsunashi-san!” Riku exclaimed as they came into view. It was obvious that they had been in some sort of accident, just with one look at them. Both were covered in bandages of different sizes, and Ryuu’s right arm was in a sling. They shared a similar expression of worry, and glanced up when they heard Riku.

“Riku-kun, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching the road while driving. It’s my fault that this happened,” Ryuu apologised, immediately getting up and bowing.

Riku shook his head, trying his hardest not to cry. “Is... is Tenn-nii alright?”

Ryuu looked at Gaku for help, unsure of what exactly had been the situation. He’d only woken up after they arrived at the hospital, after all, so he didn’t have all the details. He didn’t see the state that Tenn had been in, either, but he knew the gist of it.

Gaku sighed, looking down sombrely. “There was a big piece of glass that broke off the window and cut into his side. They couldn’t remove it at the accident site; Tenn would’ve lost too much blood. They’re operating on him right now. He broke a few ribs from the impact, and there was a lot of blood. Right now we can only hope for the best.”

At this, Riku began to hyperventilate again. _Hope for the best? But Tenn-nii is strong! He’ll definitely be able to make it out of this… right?_ Honestly, Riku had no idea. He never had to worry about Tenn before – it was always the other way round. Tenn taking care of him while he was in the hospital, when he had attacks, and even now as an idol, Tenn had always been the one looking out for him.

Tsumugi finally caught up with the redhead, panting and trying to catch her breath. “Riku-san, I have your medication with me,” she said, sifting through her bag to find it. By the time she did manage to find it, however, she heard a thud, and looked up to see that Riku had collapsed.

“Riku-san!”

“Oi, Nanase!”

“Somebody get a doctor, please!”

 

“Hey, where’s Riku-kun?”

“Isn’t somebody missing? Where is Nanase-kun?”

“Eh, Riku isn’t there!”

Those were just some of the murmurs that the rest of the group could hear, and it only got louder and louder as Yamato cleared his throat, taking a step forward. They were expecting this reaction from the fans, naturally. After all, the centre had just disappeared, and there were at least four performances left.

“I’m sure most of you have noticed, but Riku isn’t on stage with us right now. Something really urgent cropped up,” Yamato tried to explain, and he was met with a wave of questions. Some fans looked concerned, some were confused, but most of them were visibly upset. This too, they had expected. Idols were supposed to put on a show for their fans, and what kind of idol left the concert before it had yet to end? It was really a matter of professionalism, but the other members understood perfectly well that Riku absolutely _had_ to go and see Tenn.

Nagi stepped forward as well, maintaining a serious expression. “We are truly sorry and we understand that this is unacceptable behaviour as idols, but the six of us will ensure that this concert ends on a good note. Once again, we apologise and we hope for your understanding.”

“Come on, come on! The next song we will be performing is something that we are all familiar with, Perfection Gimmick!” Mitsuki exclaimed, trying his best to lighten the mood. They got into position, and as the music began playing, the remaining six members poured all of their energy into their performance.

But it wasn’t the same without Riku, and they knew it too.

They just didn’t know how serious the repercussions could be.

 

“Ah, Riku-san, you’re awake!”

Riku blinked slowly, registering the awful yet familiar white walls of the hospital room. Then everything came rushing back to him, and he quickly turned to look at Tsumugi. “Tenn-nii! How is he?” he demanded.

“...still in the middle of surgery, I think. You were out for almost an hour. The others should be getting here anytime now,” she informed him. When Riku struggled to get up, Tsumugi sighed and pushed him back onto the bed. “No, you need rest. How else are you supposed to take care of Kujo-san? Gaku-san will tell me when the surgery is over, don’t worry.”

Before Riku could retort, the door to his room burst open and Iori came striding in. “Nanase-san, you came here to make sure that Kujo-san is alright, but how did you end up collapsing as well?” he questioned. Although he sounded annoyed, he had clearly been very worried about the redhead. The others followed in behind him, showing varying degrees of concern.

“I just blacked out,” Riku confessed. “But how did the concert go?”

At this, everyone went silent. Riku looked at each of his bandmates. _Had something gone wrong?_ Mitsuki had cried, he could tell from the red eyes. Yamato was visibly quieter than usual, and Nagi was just staring at the floor. Even Tamaki looked upset.

Finally, Sougo spoke up. “The fans weren’t pleased. Towards the end of the concert, they kept demanding to know where you went. It wasn’t as if we could announce that TRIGGER had gotten into an accident. To the fans, it probably seemed like we were being irresponsible.”

Riku’s heart sank. This was his fault. And even though he’d left the concert halfway through, Tenn was still in surgery. He could’ve waited for the concert to end before coming. Tenn was always telling him how important professionalism was, and that an idol should never disappoint his fans. _But what if I’d stayed till the end of the concert and something went wrong during surgery?_

There wasn’t anything he could say to rectify the situation. The fans were upset and disappointed, with good reason. It didn’t matter that a family member was in a critical condition; their fans paid to go to their concert to see them, all seven of them. IDOLiSH7 was a group of idols, first and foremost. It was their job to put on a smile and perform for the fans. It was what idols did, and Tenn had drilled that into Riku more often than not.

“I’ll take responsibility for this, I promise,” the centre said.

“Nanase-san, don’t put too much pressure on yourself,” Iori warned. “We are just as much at fault as you are. IDOLiSH7 will face this together, as one team.”

Tears welling in his eyes, Riku nodded.

“Yeah. You’re right, Iori. Thank you, everyone.”

It was only one day later that Tenn finally woke up.

Gaku and Ryuu were both resting in their dorm, and Riku was the only one in Tenn’s room when he awoke. After all, Riku had stayed overnight in the hospital as the doctor wanted to ensure that he was alright before discharging him. As Tenn’s eyes fluttered open, Riku almost cried in relief. “Tenn-nii, you’re awake!”

“...Riku? What happened? I feel like I got hit by a train,” Tenn said, wincing when he tried to sit up. RIku quickly adjusted the pillows, trying his best not to jostle Tenn too much.

“Ah. You, Tsunashi-san, and Yaotome-san were in a car accident,” Riku mumbled. Thinking about it now, Riku was also partially at fault for the accident. If he hadn’t been so insistent on Tenn watching him perform, TRIGGER wouldn’t have taken the shorter route, and the truck would never have crashed into them. Upon realisation, Riku began to cry. “I’m sorry, Tenn-nii. I’m sorry.”

It took Tenn some time to actually remember what exactly happened, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he had more than just a couple of broken bones. How long would he take to recover? How many fans would he disappoint by not being able to perform? _Will I be able to perform the way I used to?_ These were the most important questions he had, and Riku probably didn’t have the answer to any of them. Sighing softly, Tenn used his right hand to pat Riku, in a small attempt to comfort him. His left arm was all but useless, currently encased in a thick cast.

“I don’t blame you, Riku. I do wish I could’ve seen you perform, though,” Tenn said with a wistful smile. “I know you wanted me to be there. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.”

At this, Riku only cried harder. He knew what the others had told him; knew that the fans had been upset at his sudden disappearance. But that morning, he had gone onto his social media sites. It was the same few posts being shared everywhere, almost to the extent of going viral.

The headline read: _IDOLiSH7’s centre abandons anniversary concert._

And as Riku continued reading the article, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread fill his entire being. It had been less than a day, but the news spread like wildfire. There were fans blaming him, calling him an irresponsible idol. Some fans spoke up in his defence, reasoning that he really could have needed to attend to an emergency, which was nothing less than the truth.

Then there were the tabloids.

All sorts of rumours and theories had come up. Maybe he had been involved in a scandal. Maybe he had knocked someone up. Maybe he was injured. Maybe his illness relapsed and he was sent to the hospital. The worst of all was that one article that suggested that maybe he just couldn’t take the pressure of being the centre of IDOLiSH7, and fled the concert venue.

It wasn’t that he didn’t understand where all this anger was coming from. It _had_ been the second anniversary concert for them, so for the centre of the group to disappear halfway through? And it wasn’t as if the news about TRIGGER’s car accident had gotten out yet. It was still classified info, as far as Riku knew.

It wouldn’t be long before Tenn found out that Riku left a concert midway to come to the hospital. He could already imagine what would happen.

So Riku cried.

It took one more day before Tenn found out what had happened.

Gaku and Ryuu had been visiting, not having had time to drop by the hospital before that. Anesagi had driven them, and probably would never trust any of them to drive ever again. The three of them were given a stern talking to, rightfully so, because how did they end up in a car accident on the one occasion that Anesagi trusted them to drive?

Somewhere in between, Anesagi mentioned that “You guys shouldn’t cause IDOLiSH7 any more trouble than you already have. Tenn’s younger brother already made quite a mess, leaving the concert just like that.”

“Riku did what? He left the concert?!” Tenn questioned, turning to look at his bandmates and hissing in pain at the sudden movement. But the pain was a secondary concern. How many times had Tenn told Riku that, to an idol, fans were everything? Time and time again, he emphasised the importance of living up to a fan’s expectations. He thought that after two years, Riku had finally grasped the concept of putting his fans above all else, but, clearly, he hadn’t.

“Tenn, calm down. Think about what Riku-kun must have felt,” Ryuu said, trying futilely to calm Tenn down. He and Gaku had known Tenn for so many years, so they knew exactly how the other felt when it came to professionalism. There were to be no compromises whatsoever; Tenn even escaped the hospital once, just so he wouldn’t miss a performance. The fact that Riku willingly left a concert halfway through it? Tenn would never let it go.

Gaku nodded, agreeing with Ryuu. “Nanase made his choice. He knew there would be consequences, but you were more important to him than anything else.”

“And that’s exactly why I’m angry!” Tenn exploded. “What kind of idol is he, to leave his fans in the middle of a concert? And it was their second anniversary concert! Did he even stop to think about the impression that his fans would have?”

 _At least he knows what matters most,_ Gaku couldn’t help but think.

_He isn’t heartless like you._

   

“Tenn-nii, I brought some fruits!” Riku exclaimed happily as he entered the room.

The other members of TRIGGER had long ago left, leaving Tenn to gather his thoughts. The idol had spent the past few hours looking up articles on IDOLiSH7 from the past two days, and the more he read, the angrier he became. By the time Riku came around, Tenn was seething. He turned to give his twin a dark look, and Riku shrank back slightly. “...Tenn-nii? What is it?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t have found out?”

Riku’s heart nearly stopped in his chest, and he tried to play it off with a smile. “Found out about what?”

“Don’t pretend not to know, Riku. It’s all over the news and social media. How many times have I told you that fans are everything to an idol? Did you even pause to think about what your fans would feel, leaving the concert like that?” Tenn demanded.

And Riku _did_ know, which was exactly why he didn’t say anything to Tenn. He’d expected his fans to understand, and some of them did, because they believed that he wouldn’t have abandoned such an important concert for nothing. But Tenn was also right. Many more of their fans had been upset, beyond disappointed at the centre of the group. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what kind of consequences his actions could have on IDOLiSH7 as a whole, but Tenn _had been in an accident_. If anything had happened and Riku had missed the chance to see his brother one last time... he would have regretted it forever.

But of course, Tenn’s priorities and Riku’s weren’t the same, and probably never would be. There wasn’t any way to justify his actions that would make sense to Tenn. Riku hated disappointing people, and it seemed that that was all he knew how to do. “But Tenn-nii, you were in a critical condition!” Riku tried to defend.

Tenn nearly scoffed, and Riku had never felt more hurt. “It doesn’t matter. If it had been me, and you or Kujo-san were in the hospital, I wouldn’t have left the concert no matter what. I told you before, I would never do anything that would make the fans sad, and I would definitely never break my promises to them. We’re both idols, Riku, this should be ingrained in us. The day that IDOLiSH7 decided to hold an anniversary concert, you guys made a promise to your fans to be there and smile for them with all your heart. Do you remember what I told you, almost two years ago?”

Nodding, Riku stared at his feet, unable to look Tenn in the eye. How could he forget? Tenn had come all the way to their dorm and had given Riku a long lecture that day. Of course, he thought he would never have to think about it ever again, because IDOLiSH7 had only gotten more and more successful over the past year. But with this stunt he pulled... Riku wasn’t so sure about the future. It was beginning to look bleak, and he didn’t know how hard he would have to work to make things right again.

“You told me that it would be best if I quit being an idol.”

“I thought something had changed, you know. After Black or White, and our collaborations, I thought you were finally understanding the essence of being an idol. But I said it before, and I’ll say it again.

You couldn’t keep your promise to your fans, Riku, and this time, you might not even have fans to keep a promise to anymore.”


	2. Chapter 2

Four months passed before Tenn fully recovered.

News about their accident started going around within a week, probably because their fans saw Gaku and Ryuu around the hospital more often than not. It took more than a month before Tenn was finally allowed to attend schedules, such as radio shows and recordings. He definitely wasn’t allowed to dance, nor was he even allowed to sing a lot as his ribs had yet to recover. Needless to say, the perfectionist was not happy.

They had also gotten lots of fanmail, wishing for their good health and speedy recovery. Gaku had recovered the most quickly, having only had a multitude of superficial injuries. Ryuu’s arm was fractured, so it took longer for him to recover. During the period of time where they were both waiting for Tenn to be given the green light to participate in activities, the two of them focused mostly on replying to fans and apologising to producers and sponsors. Too many activities and schedules were cancelled due to the accident, and TRIGGER had to make up for lost time.

Tenn didn’t let Riku visit him after that. The redhead dropped by more than just a few times, and was turned away by a furious Tenn threatening to call security. Eventually he gave up, and had tried asking the other members of IDOLiSH7 to visit Tenn for him. Most of them did, bringing fruits and just checking on him in general, but they too were chased away eventually. The only one who adamantly refused to visit Tenn was Iori. The younger Izumi knew what happened, knew how much Riku had cried when he returned to the dorm. After all, he’d been the one to comfort Riku. He’d been the one who saw exactly how much Riku had been hurting, crying to the extent of getting an attack.

And Iori was pissed.

What right did Tenn have, to reprimand Riku like that? They may be twins, but they were nothing alike. Yes, both were hardworking and sincere. But whereas Tenn was a perfectionist, striving to be the best version of himself for his fans, Riku was lacking in many areas, and yet he always worked his hardest, practiced more than anyone else in the group. It wasn’t just because he was the centre – Riku _knew_ that he was lacking. He spent more than half his life trying to chase after Tenn, his perfect brother who seemed to be able to do anything. So he worked hard, learnt as much as he could from their coaches, and Iori always had to remind him: Nanase-san, please look after yourself more carefully.

Why was Tenn berating Riku as if he’d committed the biggest crime on earth? It wasn’t as if Iori didn’t know what the consequences had been. Anyone could see that they were losing fans, slowly but surely. But they had promised to get through this as a group, and they would. They were IDOLiSH7; what problems had they not faced before? That day, after Riku had gone to the hospital, the other members continued the concert, but all of them had been equally worried about the twins. Apart from missing their centre, the group also didn’t perform well, not at all.

What made things worse, though, was that Riku was putting so much pressure on himself. He lost his appetite and wasn’t getting enough rest. Iori was in the same unit as him, so he saw how exactly Tenn’s words affected him. If Iori didn’t like Tenn before, now he certainly didn’t have a reason to like him any more than he did before.

Maybe he shouldn’t have encouraged Riku to leave the concert after all.

 

 

 

For the first time in a long while, TRIGGER was holding a fanmeet. It was sort of a ‘comeback fanmeet’, because they hadn’t had any group schedules since the accident occurred. Tickets had sold out almost immediately, and the trio practiced day and night to make sure that they would pull off a flawless performance. Tenn worked especially hard, not having been able to dance at all before he was allowed to join group activities again. It didn’t matter if his injuries hurt, that he was tired and thirsty and hungry. His fans were waiting for him, and he couldn’t afford to disappoint them yet again.

They planned to perform a total of three songs, which wouldn’t have been a problem if not for the fact that Tenn was out of practice. So he had woken up earlier than Gaku and Ryuu, headed straight to the practice room, and began to belt out move after move. The others only arrived two hours later, raising a brow at Tenn and wondering exactly how long he had been there.

He didn’t want to disturb Tenn, but Gaku chatted with Tsumugi pretty often, and he usually knew what IDOLiSH7 was up to. From what he last heard, the group wasn’t doing so well, and it could be seen in the way they performed during events. Riku, who almost always had a stable and powerful voice, suddenly couldn’t hit the notes he used to hit with ease, nor did he match the rhythm of his other teammates. The others also had their own set of schedules, and they were obviously less energetic than they used to be. Maybe it had to do with the fact that people pointed and whispered to each other whenever they saw IDOLiSH7. Maybe it was because Riku was upset, had been upset, ever since four months ago.

So when Gaku walked into the practice room and saw Tenn practicing alone, he sighed and turned the music off. “Tenn, I think we need to talk about this whole issue going on between you and Nanase,” he announced, with Ryuu following behind him.

“What? We have a fanmeet to practice for.”

“And that’s exactly why! You can’t avoid Nanase forever. You can’t blame him for leaving the concert, either,” Gaku said firmly. Ryuu nodded in agreement, looking slightly upset as well. He had discussed this with Gaku a couple of times over the past few months, and they both did agree that Tenn shouldn’t keep avoiding Riku. It was a one-time thing, and everyone knew how much Riku cared about his brother.

Tenn looked at the leader and rolled his eyes. “After the fanmeet then.”

Ryuu sighed. “Tenn...”

“End of discussion. Let’s practice as a group. I’m never going to disappoint the fans again.”

 

 

 

“Oi, Riku, you’re not eating?” Yamato asked, watching as the redhead got up and left the dining table. It was one of the rare days that the seven of them had no schedules, so Tsumugi had put her cooking skills to the test, and whipped up a table of food just for them.

“Manager cooked all of this for us, you know!” Mitsuki reminded, mouth half full of food.

Riku looked at the spread, at the two eldest members, and then at Tsumugi. Giving an apologetic smile, he shook his head. “No, I’m not really feeling hungry. Maybe you can keep some for me and I’ll eat it later.”

“Eh, I’m going to eat everything. I won’t leave anything for Rikkun if he doesn’t want to eat,” Tamaki drawled, continuing to eat whatever he had already taken. Sougo looked at the dancer, sighing in disbelief. It wasn’t as if they didn’t know about Riku’s current condition; Iori had more than made it obvious that they should all be looking out for the centre.

“Then you can eat it, Tamaki. I’ll be out for a bit.”

And Riku left the dorm, presumably to practice again. When the main door closed, a still air settled over the remaining members, and Tsumugi smiled disappointedly. “I cooked all this with Riku-san’s preferences in mind, too.”

“It’s okay, Manager. I will eat everything that you painstakingly prepared,” Nagi promised with a small wink, but it lacked the usual flirtatiousness that Nagi always had. Riku’s behaviour recently had really put a damper on everyone’s mood. Nobody blamed him though, because they had heard from Iori what actually happened. It wasn’t that they were all furious at Tenn, but they were disappointed in how he reacted.

What kind of person tells his younger brother that he wasn’t suited to be an idol, to quit being an idol, when all his life, the younger brother had looked up to him? The sickly younger brother had grown up and decided that he wanted to be a singer, because his brother was an idol, and idols inspired their fans, didn’t they?

Iori just couldn’t understand how Kujo Tenn’s brain worked. Even if he had initially been worried about Riku’s health, and wanted to dissuade him from being an idol... it was what Riku wanted to do, and he should’ve respected that. The hurt that Tenn had dealt to Riku two years ago, and four months ago, was probably more than what Riku could handle. He was absolutely and utterly broken, to the point that all he did was practice, practice, and practice.

“I can’t disappoint anyone else,” he had told Iori. “All my life I’ve been disappointing people. Is that all I’m good for?”

“No, Nanase-san. You’re wrong,” Iori had said, but Riku only smiled sadly and shook his head.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, Iori.”

 _But I’m not lying,_ Iori had thought, watching as Riku continued to practice.

 _You really are an amazing person._                                        

 

              

 

Riku panted as he ran through the set for their next concert again, singing and dancing each song alone. The practice room used to be vibrant, exciting, full of laughter. IDOLiSH7 had so many memories there, beginning from when they first met. It was hard to believe that, just over two years ago, all of them had been strangers to each other, yet they were such a tightly knit group now.

 _We_ were _a tightly knit group,_ Riku sighed inwardly. He knew he shouldn’t be harping on what Tenn told him, and that they should be working through this hurdle _as a group_. But this wasn’t the first time that Tenn was telling him this, so it had to mean something. He thought he knew how important fans were to an idol, and to some extent he did, but his fans weren’t his everything. Yet, Riku couldn’t help but feel despaired whenever they had recordings, and the number of fans who turned up only decreased each time. It was bad enough that they fumbled the anniversary concert; now they couldn’t even manage to get their spirits up.

And it was his fault, Riku knew that. In the first place, why did he ever leave the concert? Tenn hardly let anybody down, so why would a car accident stop him now? Why did he make the decision to leave, instead of just waiting till the end of the concert like Tenn would’ve done? It was only less than an hour more, and Tenn had been in surgery. Why had he been so impatient?

The more Riku thought about it, the angrier he was at himself. And he could see how worried the other members were. It was plain as day that they just wanted him to get himself together, go back to being the cheerful, happy Riku that they all knew. He hated not being able to meet even this simple expectation from them. Was there nothing that he could do right?

“Damn it!” Riku shouted, so frustrated at no one but himself. His voice echoed, bouncing against the walls of the practice room. He slowly sank to the floor, curling in on himself.

He didn’t realise when he had started to cry.

 

 

 

“Okay, boys, get out there and show your fans what you’re made of!” Anesagi cheered.

Tenn smirked. “When have I ever disappointed my fans?”

The three long-awaited members of TRIGGER stepped onto the stage, and their fans’ screams filled the small hall immediately. Gaku flashed his most seductive smirk, while Ryuu waved at the crowd. Tenn strode in confidently, smiling his widest smile for his fans, his lovers.

“Good evening everyone! Sorry for the four-month hiatus, but TRIGGER is back!”

 

 

 

“I’m going to check on Nanase-san,” Iori announced, having finished his meal. He’d tried to be discreet with how quickly he was eating, having been too worried about Riku to even enjoy the food. The others nodded in acknowledgement, but Tsumugi stopped him before he left.

She went to the kitchen to grab a bento box, shoving it into Iori’s hands. “I guessed that he wouldn’t eat, so I set this aside for Riku-san. Please bring it to him and make sure he eats it.”

Nodding, Iori turned to leave. “I’ll be going, then.”

The walk to the practice room took only a few minutes, and Iori looked in to make sure he wasn’t disturbing Riku in the middle of anything. It was too dark to see – Riku hadn’t turned the lights on, so Iori slowly opened the door. “Nanase-san, it’s Iori. I brought some food.”

When he went into the practice room, however, Iori saw a figure on the floor, motionless. He quickly turned the lights on, and rushed over to Riku’s side.

“Nanase-san?” he called, shaking the elder but to no avail. “Nanase-san, wake up!”

And then Iori was running back to the dorm to get help.

The bento box he had dropped was all but forgotten.

 

 

 

“Kyaaaa!”

“Tenn-kun!”

“I love you!”

Having just performed Last Dimension, TRIGGER took a seat. There was to be a talk session, followed by some games to interact with the fans. The fanmeet was supposed to end with a hi-five session with fans who’d bought the VIP tickets. The emcee cleared his throat, gesturing for the fans to keep quiet, before turning to look at the idol group.

“So it is our understanding that you were involved in a car accident a few months back. How does it feel to finally be back on stage?”

Gaku smiled, a genuine smile that made the fans scream in adoration. “We’ve missed our fans, surely. We apologise for making everyone wait so long for us, but we’ve come back as a better, stronger, TRIGGER.”

“Please continue to take good care of us!”

 

 

 

“Manager! Nikaido-san! Nii-san!” Iori burst into the dorm, breathless from sprinting up the stairs.

Mitsuki was the first to turn and look at his younger brother, sensing the distress from Iori. “Didn’t you just leave to give Riku the food?”

“Nanase-san’s collapsed! Someone call the ambulance!”

 

 

 

“Eh, IDOLiSH7’s manager?” Anesagi raised a brow at her flashing phone screen, answering the call and walking to the side. “What is it?”

The first thing Anesagi noticed was the panting. Next was the crying.

“Riku-san collapsed. The ambulance is on its way, but his breathing is so shallow, and there was a point in time that it stopped,” Tsumugi sobbed. “Nagi-san gave him CPR and managed to resuscitate him, but... please inform Kujo-san asap.”

And Tsumugi ended the call, leaving Anesagi to wonder what exactly she should do.

Just then, the three idols walked backstage, taking a short break while the emcee prepared to end off the fanmeet. There was still one last performance, and then the hi-five event, before the fanmeet would officially have ended. Anesagi bit her lip.

“Tenn, IDOLiSH7’s manager just called me. Your brother collapsed.”

Tenn blinked, trying to process this info. “And?”

“I think you should go to see him. She said that he stopped breathing and that they had to perform CPR on him,” Anesagi added. Tenn nodded slowly, looking at the manager.

“I’m not going to go and see him now.”

“What do you mean you’re not going!?” Gaku demanded angrily.

“Exactly that. The fanmeet hasn’t ended yet. The fans waited for us for four months already. Am I supposed to be like Riku, and leave the event before it ends?” Tenn asked. He was worried, he wouldn’t deny that. But it wasn’t as if this hadn’t happened to Riku before; his lung had collapsed when he was young, and it was something that would happen every now and then. “Anesagi-san, please drive me to the hospital after the fanmeet is over.”

Ryuu looked at Tenn in confusion. “But Tenn, he _stopped breathing._ ”

Gaku nodded furiously in agreement. “We all know how you are about your professionalism, but this is ridiculous. Your brother might be dying, Tenn.”

“Riku’s been in and out of the hospital all his life. Fifteen years ago, I would’ve freaked out and rushed to the hospital immediately. But after so many times... I know he’ll be alright,” Tenn reasoned. It was the truth. Ever since they were young, Riku had been in the hospital more often than he wasn’t. In fact, he hated the hospital, so he would always try to get better quickly and leave. _I’ll go after the fanmeet is over. No big deal._

Shaking his head incredulously, Gaku walked away to change his costume. Ryuu glanced at Tenn, wondering if he was really making the right decision, and followed behind Gaku as well. On the other hand, Anesagi was texting Tsumugi, informing her that they would drop by once the event was over.

Tenn nodded to himself resolutely. _The fanmeet is ending soon anyway._

Soon wasn’t soon enough.

 

 

 

“Manager, drive faster!” Mitsuki said. They were in the van, following behind the ambulance. Iori had followed onto the ambulance because he was the one who knew most about Riku’s medical history, and he had been taking care of Riku all this while.

Tamaki was gripping onto Riku’s phone tightly, his knuckles turning white. “Sou-chan, will Rikkun be alright?” he asked, as if Sougo had the answer. The elder shook his head, unshed tears shining in his eyes. _Would Riku-kun be alright?_ He wanted to know the answer too. His heart was pounding so hard, it felt like it would burst out of his chest.

Tsumugi wasn’t faring much better, furiously wiping at her eyes while still watching the road. They needed to get to the hospital immediately, needed to be right behind the ambulance. The paramedics hadn’t said anything to them, and after putting Riku on the stretcher, had brought him onto the ambulance right away. If that wasn’t a clear indicator of how urgent the situation was now, then what was?

Yamato was staring blankly out the window, clasping the good luck charm that he’d gotten from the shrine on new year. IDOLiSH7 was his family of younger brothers that he never had, and every single one of them was so important to him. Riku had had attacks before, numerous times, but this was the first time that he ever collapsed like this. If he was to be honest, Yamato was terrified for Riku.

And then there was Iori, riding on the ambulance alongside Riku while the paramedics connected tubes of all sorts, measuring his heart rate and blood pressure, both of which were dangerously low. One of the paramedics asked Iori for Riku’s medical history, and he told them whatever he knew. He desperately wanted to hold Riku’s hand in a way to comfort himself, but he didn’t want to get in the way of the paramedics.

Truth be told, Iori really looked up to Riku. The redhead always did his best and was so genuine, so sincere with those around him. His emotions showed too easily, but that was also what Iori liked so much about him. Seeing him on the stretcher with an oxygen mask on, unconscious and fighting for his life, Iori was on the verge of tears. He wanted to touch Riku, hold on to him – make sure he was still there, that he was still hanging on.

“...ry.”

Iori’s eyes widened, and he quickly went to kneel down by Riku’s side, uncaring of the paramedics, and held on tightly to Riku’s hand. “Yes, Nanase-san? What is it?”

A tear rolled down Riku’s cheek, conscious or not, Iori didn’t know. “I’m sorry... sorry, Tenn-nii.”

Iori shook his head, even though Riku’s eyes were closed and he couldn’t see him. “It’s okay, Nanase-san. You’ll be okay,” Iori said, throat thick with emotion. Holding Riku’s hand up to his mouth, he tried his best to blink away the tears. He prayed to all the gods he knew of. “We never blamed you for anything.”

Another tear rolled down Riku’s cheek.

There was a long beep.

 

 

 

Tenn strode down the hospital corridor, a sight more familiar to him than most. Right after the fanmeet ended, Anesagi had swept Tenn into the car and off to the hospital. She hadn’t gotten any other updates from Tsumugi, and there was only one word to describe the feeling in the pit of her stomach: dread.

Tenn was visibly worried too, his façade falling away to reveal how he truly felt. He wasn’t emotionless, and Riku was the one person who he would always worry and fuss over. But his fans were important to him; he would never have abandoned them, no matter what. Nonetheless, there was an awful feeling in his chest, and he wanted to get rid of it immediately. “How long more till we get there?” Tenn had repeatedly asked on the drive over. Anesagi knew that Tenn wasn’t heartless, that he really did care for his brother, but she couldn’t help but agree with Gaku. Where exactly did Tenn’s priorities lie?

After what seemed like forever, Tenn finally made it to the A&E where he assumed the rest of IDOLiSH7 would be. And they were there, but he couldn’t find the words to say. The scene in front of him told him everything he needed to know.

Mitsuki was crying, being held by Nagi who seemed to have stopped processing everything altogether, and was just staring at the floor. He was uncharacteristically quiet, unable to offer words of comfort for Mitsuki when he himself couldn’t come to terms with reality.

Yamato had slid down against the wall, knees to his chest and face buried in his hands. It was obvious that he was crying from the shaking shoulders. Tsumugi had knelt down beside the leader, arms wrapped around his shoulders and sobbing loudly as well.

Sougo and Tamaki were both holding onto each other for support, as if they would fall apart if one let go of the other. It was heart wrenching just to see them crying, and Tenn felt tears gather in his eyes as he turned away. His heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice grip; his heart had never hurt as much as it was hurting now.

And then there was Iori. The stoic youngest member of IDOLiSH7, ever so protective of Riku. He was looking at the ground, Riku’s phone in his grasp. He didn’t seem like he was crying, not at first glance, but he heard someone walking towards them and looked up to see Tenn. A flash of what almost seemed like hatred flashed across his bloodshot eyes, but the anger didn’t linger for long, and soon he was quietly crying again.

Tenn didn’t need to ask to know what had happened. Riku was his twin; they had a type of connection that nobody else would have. On the drive to the hospital, something had felt so terribly wrong, like there was a gaping hole in where Tenn’s heart was supposed to be. He knew what that was, now. But it was too late.

He was too late.

Eventually, Iori looked back at Tenn, trying to speak but his voice wasn’t allowing him to. Finally, he managed to force out the words,

"The last thing he said was ‘I’m sorry. Sorry, Tenn-nii’.”

Iori’s voice cracked, shuddering halfway through the sentence as he tried not to cry.

 

 

 

 

“He always wanted to apologize to you. Nanase-san really wanted to see you. One last time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... I decided to upload both chapters at the same time because the second chapter is where the angst really comes in. Riku is my bae but I'm also a sucker for angst :') Might be writing an epilogue for this, so keep an eye out! Thank you for reading!


	3. Epilogue 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of three epilogues, based on lyrics from Ariana Grande's One Last Time!

 

_I know that this is my fault, I should have been more careful._

 

It had been a collapsed lung, followed by a cardiac arrest, the doctor told them, before TRIGGER had arrived at the hospital.

Iori simply didn’t understand. In the years that IDOLiSH7 had been together, Riku had never experienced a collapsed lung. But when he asked the doctor, the man could only sigh and shake his head. “It’s impossible to pinpoint the exact reason,” he said.

“In the first place, Nanase-san had weak lungs. He was also under an immense amount of stress during the past few months, am I right? He couldn’t get to his medicine quickly enough, and his lung just gave way.”

 _This has never happened before,_ Iori wanted to scream. But _of course_ it hadn’t happened in the past; Iori was almost always around to make sure that Riku was alright, and if he had an attack, Iori would have his medicine ready. No matter how severe an attack was, Iori would be there to shove medicine at Riku, force him to take it quickly. _If only I had followed him to the practice room._

“But he was fine when he left the dorm,” Mitsuki sobbed, still unable to wrap his mind around the fact that Riku was gone. Just a few hours ago they had been worrying over the redhead, trying to figure out how exactly they could cheer him up, and suddenly he was gone without a warning.

“A collapsed lung can occur from many reasons,” the doctor told them. “And as for the cardiac arrest… while it was right to perform CPR when Nanase-san stopped breathing, that was what led to the cardiac arrest. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

And as the doctor walked away, Iori felt his eyes begin to sting with tears.

Beside Mitsuki, Nagi was shaking uncontrollably. “So it was my fault, then.”

Iori shook his head, a heaviness settling in his heart as he clutched on tightly to Riku’s phone. “It was my fault. I should have gone with him. I knew what he was going through and how much he was overworking himself,” he mumbled. He collapsed on the nearby bench, his legs unable to hold him up any longer. Riku was _gone_. He would never get to hear him sing anymore, wouldn’t get to nag at him to take better care of himself. Heck, Iori would give the world to even hear Riku say “Tenn-nii”, at least one more time.

It was too soon, Riku was only twenty. He didn’t deserve to die yet. Iori had never understood how it felt, being the one left behind, but now he truly knew that it hurt infinitely more to be left behind. If Riku could see them right now, how did he feel? _Probably guilty,_ Iori told himself with a bitter smile. _He did say that he was only good at disappointing people._

Yamato looked at Iori, feeling his heart ache more than it already was. It was clear as day that Iori liked Riku more than just a fellow group member. Anybody could see it in how he acted around the redheaded centre. He always hovered and worried way too much, and was always the first to offer help, always knew what Riku needed even before Riku knew it himself. And now… just how much pain was Iori in?

By the side, Tamaki was already crying loudly, letting out pained sobs of “Rikkun, don’t leave us.” Sougo released a strangled sob of his own, unable to even form words, and drew Tamaki into a hug, burying his face in the youngest member’s chest.

Mitsuki, too, was crying brokenly, barely being held up by an oddly silent Nagi. Yamato could only imagine the amount of guilt that the blond felt, being told that the cardiac arrest was caused by him giving CPR to Riku. Nobody blamed Nagi, but there was no way to stop him from blaming himself.

And as Yamato thought about how useless he was as a leader, he sank down to the ground. So much for calling himself the Nii-san of IDOLiSH7 – he couldn’t even protect their precious, kind-hearted centre. What good was he? Dragging his legs up to his chest, the eldest buried his face in his arms and let the tears fall.

Tsumugi looked around at the IDOLiSH7 members, now six, and felt a sharp pain in her chest. She had never been so heartbroken, and never thought that she would have to experience this kind of pain over the loss of an idol she was managing. But Riku wasn’t just an idol; he was part of their big family, brought together by fate to be a group. There was no way they could continue as IDOLiSH7, not when there were no longer seven of them. The realisation only made her heart hurt even more, and the manager knelt down, arms going around Yamato’s trembling frame as she tried not to cry.

Iori hated Tenn for scolding Riku, for berating him and making him feel like he was the lesser twin. But as he pressed the phone button on Riku’s phone, illuminating the screen with a picture of Tenn and Riku smiling happily, he was reminded that Riku would always love Tenn regardless. And, under Tenn’s watch, Riku had stayed well and alive.

So, while he hated Tenn, Iori undoubtedly hated himself so much more.


	4. Epilogue 2

_One last time, I need to be the one who takes you home._

It was the day of the funeral.

The Nanase’s had to keep the event extremely private because the press couldn’t find out, not just yet. Nobody was to know that IDOLiSH7 was missing their centre, and that he would never join them on stage ever again. It was held near Riku’s childhood home, away from the busy city life of Tokyo and away from the prying eyes of fans and anti-fans alike.

The TRIGGER members had taken time off their schedule for the funeral as well, three days after Riku had passed on. Tenn had been listless for those three days, barely being able to force a smile for his fans. Since he was young, Riku had been trailing behind him, looking up to him, and Tenn had always thought it was his duty to protect his brother.

But he no longer had a brother to protect.

He wanted to be the one who brought Riku’s remains home. It was the last thing he would do as the elder son of the Nanase family. Then he would truly cut all ties with his biological family; he had never been that attached to his birth parents anyway. It had been Riku, and would always be Riku, that he couldn’t bear to leave behind.

But now it was Riku’s turn to leave him behind. Sometimes Tenn wondered if this was his way of paying him back, for leaving with Kujo all those years ago.

Tenn had entered the funeral area to see his birth parents, clearly still grieving, and realised how long it had been since he’d seen them. Yet he couldn’t find it in himself to walk to them, to apologise for leaving or for Riku’s death. No, because if they had been more capable and not gone into debt, Tenn would never have left with Kujo, and Riku would never have been inspired to follow in Tenn’s footsteps to become an idol.

Riku would still be alive now.

He knew, though, that he was partially at fault – of course he knew. Iori had made it obvious enough, with the outburst of “If only you hadn’t blamed him, Nanase-san would never have overworked himself! He wouldn’t have started to put distance between us; as if we ever blamed him!”

And it was true. None of the IDOLiSH7 members blamed Riku for leaving the concert that day. Sometimes they did wonder how things would have turned out if he had stayed, but what was the point of thinking about the what if’s, when it had already happened? They tried so hard to cheer Riku up, so that they could work through the problem together, but everyone knew that only Tenn’s words would influence the centre. Alas, everything was too late, and Tenn acknowledged the fact that he was also to blame for his brother’s passing.

So, instead, he turned his attention to the other people in the small room, the IDOLiSH7 members and manager. They weren’t faring much better than three days ago; it was obvious that they, too, had yet to get over the fact that Riku was gone. It was understandable, of course, because they’d been living together in the dorms for over two years.

Yamato was talking to the Nanase parents, a forlorn smile on his face, as if that was the only thing he could offer. He didn’t quite know what to say. Was he supposed to apologise for not being a better leader, not taking better care of Riku? Before he got the chance to say anything, he was pulled into a hug by Riku’s father, and he patted him on the back while saying, “It’s been hard on you, too.” And it was all Yamato could do to sigh and nod. The job of a leader was a thankless one, one that he took up only because he was the eldest of the team.

Iori was the first to notice Tenn’s presence, looking up with bloodshot eyes. The younger Izumi looked like he hadn’t slept ever since Riku’s death, and perhaps he hadn’t. Riku’s phone was in his grasp still, and he approached Tenn slowly, trying his hardest to school his expression into a neutral one, telling himself that _Nanase-san probably wouldn’t like us to fight at his funeral._

“I’m surprised you came,” Iori heard himself say, earning himself a slap on the arm from Mitsuki.

“Oh, Tenn,” his mother cried, and the idol allowed himself to be hugged by her. He didn’t quite know what to say to her, because it had been so long since he last saw her. He met his father’s gaze across the room, acknowledging each other with a simple nod. “I still can’t believe he’s gone, my poor baby.”

“I… I want to bring Riku’s remains home,” Tenn requested. It was the last thing he would ask of them, the only way he could find proper closure. Iori froze in his spot, giving Tenn the coldest look he could muster, because _how dare_ he ask to be the one to bring Riku’s remains home. He had no right.

But suddenly Nagi’s hand was on his shoulder, the blond shaking his head. “Iori, let him do it. It might be his way of making it up to Riku,” he said, a small, sad smile on his face. Iori took a deep breath, willing himself not to cry _again_ , because he’d done enough of that over the past three days. _Rokuya-san is right, and I’m sure Nanase-san would want his dearest Tenn-nii to bring him home,_ he tried to reason with himself, sighing deeply.

“I’m sure Riku-kun would appreciate you doing this for him,” Sougo said in a small voice.

Riku’s parents nodded, both agreeing with what Sougo said. “Yes, I think Riku would really like that,” his mother said, sniffling and wiping another tear away. Tenn nodded mutely, ignoring the harsh glare that Iori was directing at him. He wasn’t blind; he knew how the younger Izumi felt about his twin brother, and he wasn’t expecting Iori to forgive him.

It wasn’t as if he had forgiven himself, either. Perhaps he never would.

“Go see him one last time,” Ryuu urged, pushing Tenn in the direction of the coffin in which Riku lay. The singer took hesitant steps towards the ivory coffin, its colour a perfect representation of its inhabitant. Riku had always been so pure, too kind for his own good, and hardly ever harbouring negative feelings towards anyone but himself. And when Tenn finally stopped beside the coffin, he was surprised to see a tear drop onto the surface of the glass panel.

He didn’t think he’d ever seen Riku look so peaceful before. When they were young, Riku had always been in and out of the hospital. Then Tenn had left with Kujo, and Riku had likely been agonised for the entire time. They only reconciled many years later, as rivals in the music industry, so Tenn doubted that Riku had ever truly been at peace.

Now, looking at Riku, one could almost believe that he was just in slumber, instead of in an eternal sleep, his bright red hair fanned out around his face. But he was pale, too pale to be a living person, as blood no longer ran through his veins. Another tear fell, and then another, and soon Tenn found himself bent over the coffin, hands curled into fists as he finally allowed himself the luxury to grieve. His heart hurt more than it ever did before, and soon painful sobs wracked his entire body.

“I’m so sorry, Riku. I’m sorry,” he cried, and he felt arms wrap around his shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Tenten. Rikkun was the nicest person I knew. He’ll definitely forgive you,” Tamaki assured, and Tenn only cried harder. Riku was the only person that Tenn would ever show his soft side to, because he was his precious younger twin. And Tenn would never hear Riku say ‘Tenn-nii!’ anymore, would never be able to see Riku smile brightly upon seeing him, too excited to contain his emotions.

No.

Riku was gone.

“Tenn, it’s about time to cremate his body,” Gaku said, more gently than Tenn would ever be used to. Tamaki let go of the crying boy, allowing Gaku to tug him away from the coffin. They watched as the crematorium staff removed the coffin from the room, bringing it to the cremation chamber.

And for the next few hours, everyone sat outside the crematorium quietly, nobody wanting to break the silence when they knew that, currently, Riku’s body was being burnt beyond recognition.

It was late by the time Riku’s ashes were finally handed over to his parents, contained in a small urn that was just as white as the coffin had been. They thanked the staff, and Riku’s mother clutched onto the urn as if her life depended on it.

Tenn approached his birth mother, silently asking her if he could hold the urn, and sighing in resignation as he took the urn from her. The Nanase’s didn’t live too far from the crematorium, and Tenn led the way back to his old house, where he had grown up with Riku.

Those days seemed so distant now, and a small part of Tenn wished that he could go back to those days. Life had been simple, even if Riku’s health hadn’t been quite the best and their family’s financial situation was constantly deteriorating, because he had Riku by his side, and that had been all that he needed at the time.

Iori followed closely behind Tenn and the Nanase’s, and more than once his hand twitched with the urge to touch the urn, to feel some semblance of closeness with Riku. But Tenn probably wouldn’t be quite happy if he did that, and Iori didn’t want to argue with Tenn while sending Riku off on his last journey. So, he kept his hands firmly by his side, his gaze never leaving the urn in Tenn’s hands.

It was barely fifteen minutes later that they arrived at the Nanase household, and Tenn entered his childhood home without hesitation, going towards the altar that had been set up after Riku passed on.

Kneeling down slowly, Tenn placed the urn on the small raised platform, beside the picture of Riku. The boy had been smiling brightly, and the photo looked to be a recent one. From behind him, Tenn heard Iori mutter, “I don’t think you know how happy Nanase-san was when you told him that you were coming for our concert.”

And then Tenn remembered.

Nearly seven months back, Riku had been texting him about the anniversary concert, and Tenn had promised that he would go. This picture was what Riku had replied with, clearly excited at the prospect of Tenn watching him perform on stage.

Now, though, the picture mocked Tenn, a painful reminder that _if only_ he hadn’t promised to go to the concert, maybe none of this would have happened. But even if he could rewind time, would Tenn have stopped himself from saying all those hurtful things to Riku? Perhaps he would’ve been a little less harsh about it, but he would have said it all the same.

It was all Tenn could do to offer Riku a prayer, lighting three sticks of incense and putting his hands together as he closed his eyes. _I hope you find peace, Riku. I wish I could’ve been a better brother to you, but you deserved better than me._

Iori watched as Tenn stood back up, bowing one last time before turning around.

“Ryuu, Gaku, we’re leaving.”

The two older members of TRIGGER nodded, bidding their farewells to the IDOLiSH7 members and the Nanase parents. Tenn went up to his birth parents, thanking them for letting him bring Riku home, and that he was sorry for everything. Then he made a move to leave, only stopping when he reached the threshold and taking one last look at the house that he and Riku had grown up in.

He briefly recalled all the times that he came home from school, walking through this very same door and calling out “I’m home.” And Riku would always greet him, his feet pattering against the wooden floor as he hurried to the door.

“Welcome home, Tenn-nii!” the boy would exclaim, glomping his brother. Tenn would always chastise Riku gently, telling him to be more careful, to exert less energy, and Riku would always laugh before asking Tenn about his day.

With a heavy heart, Tenn tried to push the memories away, and forced a small smile.

“Welcome home, Riku.”


	5. Epilogue 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last part of this whole fic! Thank you all for the support and I'm sorry (not really though) for making anyone cry throughout this journey :')

_One more time, I promise after this I’ll let you go._

A year passed.

It was the day of IDOLiSH7’s last concert. Everybody had thought long and hard about what they were to do after Riku passed on, and it had been agonising to decide that, yes, they had to disband. They could no longer continue as IDOLiSH7, when there weren’t seven of them anymore. Throughout the past year, they had tried to continue group activities, but it was too hard without Riku, the bright light at their centre who never failed to encourage everyone. And soon group activities stopped, with MEZZO” promoting as a unit once more, whilst the other four began to branch out into other fields.

But they couldn’t just let IDOLiSH7 fade out of existence. No, because Riku deserved more than that. So, they marked the date on Riku’s death anniversary, released a press conference about their disbandment and announced that they would be holding one last concert, for Riku and for themselves. It was a sort of closure that they knew they needed, because after toiling for years to make it to the stage they stood on… it didn’t seem right to leave without a trace.

Despite the concert being held on a weekday, tickets managed to sell out. Perhaps it was due to the fact that this would be their last ever concert, and their fans wanted to see them perform as a group for the last time – or, well, as a group of six. Even fans that they had lost previously had bought tickets for the concert. Iori liked to think that maybe they felt guilty for abandoning the group in their time of need. It wasn’t right to blame the fans, but Iori couldn’t help it.

If they had at least stayed by their idols’ sides, maybe Riku wouldn’t have been forced to push himself so hard.

Iori was bitter, and he knew he was, but there was no way to stop himself from feeling this way.

Riku had been more than just a groupmate, more than the centre of their group. He had loved Riku, been in love with Riku, ever since the whole Perfection Gimmick incident. There wasn’t a specific aspect of Riku that he could pinpoint; he had loved the redhead wholeheartedly. It always pained Iori to see Riku overexerting himself, trying to prove his worth when he already had. But he also admired the steely determination that Riku always possessed, had possessed, and Tenn had crushed it all overnight.

He wasn’t jealous of how much Riku loved his brother, but he was jealous of how undeserved the love was. Sure, Tenn had given up a lot for Riku too, following Kujo and leaving the Nanase household. And yes, it _had_ been in order to pay for Riku’s medical expenses. But so _what_? The emotional trauma that Riku had gone through… was it really worth it?

Iori didn’t think so. And he probably never would.

But he knew that Riku had never looked at him in that light, and probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. It was hard to harbour one-sided feelings, yet Iori managed, with Riku’s bright smiles and cheerful personality. Everything came crashing down when Riku died, and Iori would always, _always_ regret not confessing his feelings. Maybe it would have changed the outcome, maybe it wouldn’t, but he hadn’t even gotten the chance to try.

The set for the concert was the exact same as the one for IDOLiSH7’s second anniversary concert. This time, of course, Riku would be absent throughout the entire concert, instead of just the last five songs. All of Riku’s lines had been distributed equally amongst the remaining six, everyone wanting to do their part for their deceased centre.

When the lights came on for Restart Pointer, and the last light shone on an empty space on stage, Iori felt his heart clench painfully. The fans were quiet; nobody screamed. And for that Iori was glad, because at least they knew to at least be respectful to the seventh member who was not there.

Before going on stage, the members had huddled together with Tsumugi, all of them thinking about the same thing:

_This is our last concert together. We won’t be a band after this._

It had taken a lot for them to keep their composure, to prevent themselves from breaking down. It was hard to believe that the group had met each other only over three years ago, that they were going their separate ways after tonight. There was only one emotion that they felt, and that was a deep sadness, for they could have been so much more together.

Throughout the concert, the fans kept silent, and a majority of them had red light sticks. Riku’s.

And then Iori spotted Tenn in the crowd, and an unexplainable anger rose in his chest.

If only Tenn had made it to their anniversary concert, none of this would have happened. Iori didn’t think he would ever be able to forgive Tenn, would never see Tenn as more than the person who indirectly murdered Riku. He knew it wasn’t intentional, _of course it wasn’t,_ but that didn’t change the fact that Tenn had been at fault, no matter how Tenn tried to reason that it wasn’t. Getting into a car accident – that had been unavoidable, something that Iori couldn’t blame Tenn for. But lashing out at Riku? _That_ was a different story.

Iori didn’t care if Tenn was a cold-blooded human, an emotionless robot trained to be an idol. He didn’t care if Tenn didn’t abandon TRIGGER’s recording when Riku’s life was in a critical situation. The only thing he cared about was that Tenn had completely, utterly, broken Riku, past the point of repair. The only person who could possibly have undone the damage was Tenn himself, but it wasn’t as if he had cared enough to ask about Riku’s wellbeing.

So _what_ if he was Riku’s most beloved Tenn-nii? Iori couldn’t quite care less. It was Tenn who belittled Riku’s efforts. It was Tenn who made Riku feel like he was a disappointment to all those around him. And in Riku’s dying moments, where had Tenn been? At a stupid recording, which apparently had been more important than seeing Riku for the last time.

One could hardly blame Iori for his hatred towards Tenn. It didn’t matter that Tenn had cried at Riku’s funeral, had apologised to the kind-hearted redhead, because it had been too late for that. If Tenn had wanted to make amends, he should have done so much earlier.

During the next break, as everyone was changing costumes, Sougo went over to Iori, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. “Iori-kun, are you alright?”

And if he wasn’t the well-mannered person that he was, Iori would have scoffed. “Kujo-san’s here, apparently,” he said, not trying to hide his contempt for the other male.

“I saw him too,” Yamato said, sighing as he looked at Iori. “No use getting angry, you know. It isn’t as if you have to see him after tonight.”

After we disband.

Tsumugi forced a smile. “I knew he was coming. Gaku-san told me earlier on that Kujo-san cancelled a schedule to come,” she said, already knowing how Iori would react.

Unable to hold it in, Iori let out a humourless chuckle. “Oh, so _now_ he cancels a schedule. It wouldn’t hurt us if he didn’t come, truth be told. I’d be better off not seeing him.”

Mitsuki could only sigh. “Iori, don’t be rude.”

And Iori really wanted to scream in frustration. Had Tenn thought that he was rude, telling Riku that he wasn’t suited to be an idol? Had he thought about how he was hurting Riku’s feelings, when he said that Riku couldn’t keep his promises to his fans?

But instead Iori kept quiet, keeping his thoughts to himself. He wasn’t about to start an argument with his groupmates, not on the last day that they were a group. Taking a deep breath, Iori shook his head. “Forget it. Nobody will understand how I feel,” he mumbled, and it was true, because none of them had loved Riku the way he did.

“Iorin, cheer up. I’ll even share my pudding with you,” Tamaki offered.

Nagi slung an arm around Iori’s shoulders. “Let’s get back up on stage. For Riku.”

 

-

 

Earlier that day, Tenn had gone to the Nanase household. It was Riku’s first death anniversary, and the last one that Tenn would visit him for. He had told himself that this was for the best, that he should let Riku go. It wouldn’t do to keep clinging on to the past, to the boy who had passed on ahead of his time. How would Riku truly find peace, if everyone couldn’t let him go?

So Tenn found himself greeting his birth parents, going into the room where Riku’s altar was. It was kept immaculately clean, as it should be, and Tenn knelt down in front of the altar, a small, sad smile adorning his face. “It’s been a while, Riku. I hope you’re doing well,” he started.

“The past year has been… tough, to say the least. Did you know that IDOLiSH7 is disbanding? They’re holding a last concert today, in memory of you,” he said, then he let out a bitter laugh. “I’m going for the concert. Ironic, isn’t it? If only I had made it to your concert last year, I’m sure you’d be alive and well now. But time can’t rewind, and I’m sure you’re free of suffering, at least.”

And Tenn swore that at that moment, he felt a gentle breeze, despite the windows being closed. Closing the doors of the altar gently, Tenn slowly got up. “This is goodbye, Riku. I’ll never forget you, I promise, but I have to let you go now.”

He was met with his parents on the way out, both having overheard his words to Riku. And for the first and last time, Tenn pulled them both into a hug. “I’m sorry for everything. Thank you for taking care of Riku when I wasn’t here,” he told them. Before they could reply, Tenn was gone, an unbearable pain in his heart.

He wandered the streets around his old house, reminiscing all the times that he had gone out with Riku, which were few and far between. He remembered how Riku used to chase after him, and him scolding Riku when the boy started coughing uncontrollably. It had been hard on Riku when he was a child, his immune system and lungs too weak to do what normal kids did.

It was why Tenn had such a protective brother complex, and Tenn had always wanted to dissuade Riku from becoming an idol. He thought that harsh words would be enough to deter the redhead – Riku used to always listen to him, after all. But maybe meeting IDOLiSH7 changed him, or maybe Riku had changed ever since Tenn left. In an act of defiance, or determination, Riku had made it big as an idol. But Tenn should’ve known that Riku always prioritised him.

Riku would always choose him over anything else. And Tenn?

He had chosen work, had chosen being an idol. But Riku was gone, now. It was too late to change his priorities, so Tenn made the decision to pour his blood and sweat into his job, to dedicate his life to his fans. There was no more brother to protect, no one else that he had to compromise.

A heavy sigh left Tenn, and he checked the time to realise that he should be getting to the concert venue soon. He wasn’t going to miss the concert, not this time. Not that it really mattered, though, because Tenn had already missed the concert that mattered most.

When he had told Anesagi to cancel today’s schedules, Gaku and Ryuu had looked at Tenn like he’d gone mad. He understood why, of course. Since when did Kujo Tenn cancel schedules, opportunities to meet with fans?

But Anesagi had only smiled and nodded. “Nanase’s death anniversary, isn’t it?”

Tenn came to a stop in front of the concert venue, ignoring the stares and whispers of people around him. He didn’t care if people recognised him, because this wasn’t about him. It was about Riku, who had always wanted Tenn to watch an IDOLiSH7 concert. He was here now, one year and four months too late.

Honestly, Tenn wasn’t even surprised when Iori’s gaze had met his, and the professional mask crumbled away to reveal the bitterness that Iori held within him. And this, too, Tenn could understand. Izumi Iori had lost the person he loved, the person he was in love with, because Tenn couldn’t keep his mouth shut, couldn’t have spoken kinder words to Riku.

But how was Tenn supposed to know that Riku would break from that? He’d told similar things to Riku, back when IDOLiSH7 had just debuted, and Riku bounced back stronger than ever. How would Tenn have known that this time, Riku wouldn’t be able to recover from the blow?

Tenn watched the concert in relative silence, noting that most of the fans kept quiet as well. As the remaining members of IDOLiSH7 poured their hearts into performing song after song, Tenn couldn’t help but stare at that one spot that was always empty, the one area in every choreography that was lacking something, _someone_.

It didn’t take a genius to realise that it was Riku’s spot.

Gone was the exuberant centre, and all that remained was a memory of him. Tenn had watched enough of IDOLiSH7’s performances to know where Riku was supposed to be, when he was supposed to sing, and the realisation that he would never see Riku perform live hit him like a truck. _The one and only time he asked something of me, I let him down,_ Tenn thought, a sad smile on his face.

If Riku was only good at disappointing people, then maybe Tenn was only good at disappointing Riku.

It was nearing the end of the concert now, and before the last performance, IDOLiSH7 stepped onto stage, each wearing the same expression: resignation, sadness. It was Yamato who spoke, sighing before sweeping his gaze across the fans.

“As we all know, IDOLiSH7 will no longer be a group after tonight,” he said, earning a chorus of disapproval from the crowd. “On behalf of the members, Riku, and our manager Tsumugi, I’d like to formally thank everybody for all your support up till now, and especially for coming today. I’m sure Riku would appreciate it very much.”

And the six took a long bow, gripping each other’s hands tightly as if they didn’t want to let go. Tenn was sure they didn’t want to disband, but there was no other course of action that made sense. With Riku gone, it didn’t seem right to continue as IDOLiSH7. And they had already lost so many fans.

Mitsuki stepped up next, his grin lacking its usual brightness. “I will pursue being a host from tomorrow onwards, so I hope everyone will treat me kindly!”

And Nagi, “If I walk the path of being a voice actor, I hope all my princesses will support me as well.” He winked, of course he did, but there was none of the flirtatiousness that he always had.

“Tamaki-kun and I will continue promoting as MEZZO. Please continue to look after us,” Sougo said, pulling Tamaki down into a bow with him and earning a small grunt from the younger.

Yamato said, “I will no longer be a part of the idol industry, but I would like to thank everyone, once again, for all the support that you’ve been showing me.”

And then lastly, it was Iori’s turn.

Tenn noticed immediately that Iori was trembling slightly, not from exhaustion, but from trying to keep his emotions in check. “I always looked up to Nanase-san,” he began, before laughing to himself. “I never once called him Riku, because I always thought that I would have the chance to. But fate had different plans for Nanase-san, and I’m sure he’s doing better, wherever he is.”

Drawing in a deep breath, he continued, “Similarly to Nikaido-san, I will no longer be an idol, but I will strive to be a manager for idols, to help up and coming idols find their way to success. Sometimes I wonder, what would have happened if Nanase-san hadn’t left the concert that day?”

At this, Tenn knew immediately that Iori was looking at him. But almost immediately after, Iori only smiled and shook his head. “But the past is the past, and I think we all have to let Nanase-san go now. It’s the only way he will truly be able to find peace.

“So for the last time, let’s hear it for Nanase-san,” he said, letting out a shuddering breath, and the crowd exploded into a frenzy of screams. The IDOLiSH7 members sat down on the chairs that had been prepared, all turning to look at the screen.

It was dark at first, then an image came up.

It was Riku when he was just a boy.

The video was a time-lapse of sorts, showing Riku as he grew up from a frail, sickly boy, to the idol that he had been. There were short clips from IDOLiSH7’s pre-debut days, the first time they had all met, leading up to their debut stage. Tenn didn’t know it, but they had had _so few fans_. And yet Riku had been performing his heart out, trying his hardest for the smattering of people that had gathered to see them.

The frame changed to that of their second anniversary concert. It was Riku’s solo performance, Tenn realised with a start. From his seat on stage, Iori felt tears well up in his eyes, his throat closing with thick emotion. He couldn’t watch this; his heart couldn’t bear it.

 _“Are you having fun, everyone?”_ Riku had shouted, plastering his best fake smile. But the two people who loved him most could tell that it was fake, forced. _”This performance is for all of you, but especially for a special someone out there. I don’t know if he’s here yet, but I sure hope he is.”_

Riku’s eyes had been scanning the crowd tirelessly, and Tenn’s hand came up to his mouth to muffle an unexpected sob. He didn’t think it would hurt so much to watch the performance that Riku had so desperately wanted to show him. His heart thudded painfully against his chest, and tears made their way down his cheeks.

Tenn rarely cried, but one could hardly blame him. This would truly be his final farewell to Riku, and then he would let him go completely. So Tenn watched Riku perform, watched as his precious twin brother gave his best performance ever, and then the video faded out.

_“I want to become an existence that can make everyone smile!”_

The screen went black.

The six members of IDOLiSH7 stood back up, and Tsumugi joined them on stage. When they turned back to face the audience, it was obvious that they had all been crying, unable to hold back the tears for Riku, the family member they had lost.

“Thank you for everything!”

The exclamation was wobbly, most of their voices still shaking from having cried, and the seven bowed once more before slowly making their way off the stage for the last time. Tenn didn’t stay any longer – he made his way out of the concert hall, wiping at his tears and willing them to stop falling.

Backstage, Iori dropped to his knees, his legs unable to keep him up any longer. He gasped out his sobs, clutching at his chest and trying to make his heart stop hurting. He never said it out loud, but he really loved Riku, so much. Even after one year passed, Iori couldn’t and wouldn’t forget the cheerful boy, only a year older than him but gone too soon.

The guttural sobs sounded as if they were being wrenched out of Iori, a noise full of grief and hurting. Mitsuki watched as his brother broke down, completely and utterly, and quietly moved to kneel beside Iori. He drew the younger into his arms, tears silently falling as Iori continued to wail. “Riku wouldn’t want to see you like this, Iori,” he said, and Iori only cried harder.

“I never even got to call him Riku,” Iori cried, and Mitsuki felt his heart clench painfully. And then suddenly, another pair of arms wrapped around them. Mitsuki looked up to see a red-eyed Tsumugi, tears still steadily streaming down her cheeks.

One by one, the IDOLiSH7 members wrapped their arms around each other, huddling together for the last time and murmuring words of encouragement, words of thanks, to the members who were like family to each other.

Eventually Iori stopped crying, and if he closed his eyes, he could imagine Riku standing in front of him, smiling at him brightly.

 _“Hey, Nanase-san… no. Riku,”_ Iori would have said to him, returning Riku’s bright smile with a sad, resigned one. _“I never did tell you that I loved you, but I think it’s time to let you go now._

 _“I hope you’re doing better there, wherever_ there _is. Maybe one day I’ll meet you again, and I’ll tell you all about what happened while you were gone._

_“But it’s goodbye for now, Riku. Goodbye, and see you again.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Okay first off, it's Iori's birthday. Happy birthday to the best boy! My friend thought of this plot last Saturday, and I kinda just went 'Hmm, yeah I'll make this into a fic.' I haven't written anything for a long time, so please leave comments and feedback so that I can improve!


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